Lucky or not?
Most people who meet me say I’m brave and lucky for all the travelling I have done, Well I think, if you want something badly enough then you will just do it, you will take the risks etc. A powerful question I ask myself is, what will happen if I don’t do this? And that normally scares me more and gets me into action!
Afterall I have been in this situation many times, asking myself what will happen if I don’t take this chance. And I always took it. Living a life of regrets and wishing I would have taken chances was something I didn’t want to do.
It wasn’t until after living and working in 11 countries over 17 years, I actually looked back on my life and realised how much travelling I had actually done and how many chances I had taken. It was that time that I decided I was ready to make a change and I felt more ready than ever. Reflecting on all of my decisions and experiences I realised that actually I had been quite brave afterall.
It only seemed like a few years before, I had followed my instinct and left the UK after hearing some terrible and shocking news that led me to wanting to leave for a while, and escape from a dysfunctional situation.
I didn’t feel I had many choices and I trained to be a teacher as this seemed the best and easiest way for me to be able to work abroad and Switzerland was top on my list. I had fallen in love with it a few years before. However, after meeting Turkish friends during myteacher training. I decided I was going to start in Turkey as it seemed relatively easy to gain some teaching experience there first and then head to Switzerland.
A new awareness
It was during my time in Turkey that I began to really grieve and realise and admit to myself that the death of my father had been the reason I had been so depressed and had wanted to leave the UK. Up until that point I hadn't admitted it to myself as he wasn't my real father and I felt that I didn't deserve to feel the pain I had been feeling. This was the beginning of my grief journey and I still had a long way to go but the relief and knowledge of this awareness seemed to life changing.
I still had many feelings I hadn't dealt with, but now I know I was dealing with one big feeling at a time, it had been way too much to deal with them all at once.
This was a huge realisation for me which probably would have taken years to realise, had I stayed at home in the UK in the same situation with the same perspective.
Not my fault
The next few years I lived my life in and out of waves of depression, living and working in different countries. Until I went to Switzerland and it was there I learned that the death of my father hadn't been my fault. This was another huge step and the most important one. After this realisation I never experienced the black, debilitating depression again.
Here we go again
This was my life, every year or two, working in a new country, new job, new friends, fresh start, different stage of grief. All I wanted to do was escape those dark feelings and going to new places seemed to help. It wasn’t all doom and gloom, I had the most amazing experiences and met the most fantastic people ever. I carried on my life as best I knew how.
Each country I lived and worked in brought me new insights and learnings, I was grieving and growing up at the same time while adapting to each and every culture I had landed in and become accustomed too.
Running away is sometimes the answer
Sometimes I wonder if I was running away from my feelings, maybe I was, but it really helped me to manage them that way. One feeling at a time.
I feel like my life could have gone many ways and I am happy with the path I chose. My life has been incredibly interesting and diverse and I have learnt sooo much on my journey. I wouldn't change it at all.
After stopping and reflecting on my life, I decided to ask myself, what now?
Coaches seemed to enter my life effortlessly and it was then I knew I had to follow that direction. A few years ago I trained and certified as a co-active life coach and I now work with teens and young adults helping them build their self-confidence and express themselves in healthy ways. It's my passion to help others accept themselves and deal with any painful feelings they may have. Something I would have benefited from all those years ago.
Which direction is life taking you and are you choosing it?
Message me to learn how to make conscious decisions and get off of the treadmill of life.