Starting again
The one thing I loved about going to a new country each time was the chance to start again, to start afresh. There was always something about starting a whole new life that seemed so refreshing. I felt like I was being given a new chance, a new time to be perfect, to get it right and to achieve all of my goals. Little did I know that I was putting the whole world on my shoulders. I was giving myself unrealistic expectations and things to achieve, only to be left feeling unworthy, not good enough and disappointed in myself.
Small steps are powerful
I mean - it wasn’t all bad. I think it’s easily done. When we start something new, we have unrealistic goals and expectations about how everything will change for the better. New diet, new friends, new job, new routine etc. I mean, it’s good to be positive about new beginnings but pressure to get it all right can be way too much!
The funny thing was - I did this every time I went to a new place. I always thought about the big things I would change and improve on. Little did I know, it was the tiny, manageable changes within myself that would have made all of the difference.
Change comes from within
I always thought that changing my surroundings meant that everything would improve. This was partly true, as it gave me a stepping stone to start adjusting parts of my life. The reality was, however, that changing everything on the outside was not enough to make a deep and meaningful difference to my life, and change how I was feeling. That work needed to come from within, which I learnt years later.
I guess we are all on our own path and timeline to do things.
Break that habit
It all started with answering a few thought-provoking questions about myself which were totally non-judgemental. These got me thinking and searching for answers which opened up a whole set of new possibilities for me. It made me feel awake and empowered me into realizing that I could do and achieve what I really desired. This realization led me to work on myself more and more - it was like I was accessing new parts of myself that would lead to the answers I craved - and I wanted to find them.
The transformation was incredible! Nothing in my life had actually changed, but then everything had, if that makes sense. My perspective, beliefs and level of awareness were on another level. I realised I had been living in my own mental prison, making up excuses as to why I couldn’t do things and it had become such a deep-rooted habit. I was on autopilot.
That’s the first step - knowing what you are doing - otherwise how on earth can you change something if you’re not even aware? The second step is realizing you have a choice whether to change your thoughts or keep them. Then there comes the small actions you decide to take.
It's called work for a reason!
After all, as we all know, wherever we go, we take ourselves and our problems with us. I feel lucky now to know that things will only change when I work on myself and it’s called work for a reason! It isn’t easy (at all) but I believe it leads to the life we actually want to lead. A life where we are making conscious choices - which for me is what it is all about. Being awake and not letting life pass you by! I mean it goes by quick enough already, right?
I guess the moral of this story is ‘it’s what on the inside that counts’.
How often do you spend quality time with yourself?
Contact me to find ways to make that change you actually want to make.